Funny thing, was doing a lot of thinking on my way home from Bible study tonight and as I sit here now I am halfheartedly recalling things that were so strong only an hour ago. Weird how that works. I'm home for the holidays and doing a lot of thinking. Between church on Sunday and Bible study tonight I feel like God is poking me, and saying "psst Kelli, did you forget about me? I have things planned for you. poke poke nudge, time to put more wood on your fire."
Over the course of the summer, especially towards the end of it, I had this fire going in my heart, this desire to learn and I was just in such awe of God it was amazing. I started out tossing that wood on it by reading and just going to Bible study and learning. But as I went away to school, I would forget to feed the fire, still throwing wood on it every other day or so, but slowly that fire began to fizzle out. Now its there but its become a flame or two, not near the fire it had grown to before.
And it wasn't even that I was too busy, no I had the time to read and learn. I just slowly let it stop, replacing time I could be spending with God for things like facebook, and playing tetris or Mahjong, things I didn't need to do but did to pass time. I also began watching more tv, partially cause one of my roommates enjoyed watching tv a lot more than I. But I didn't complain, I started one series after another because I could. I had the time why not. While watching television or doing stuff on the computer isn't always bad, spending all my time on them is not good.
I'm taking this time off from school, to try and refocus. I want to open that door, and say "Hey God, so I felt you poking me, and heard you talking and well I'm done ignoring you I'm ready to put some more wood on that fire and learn and spend time with you again. Thanks for being patient and waiting for me to realize this all, you truly are awesome and amazing. I want to feel that awe and desire for you again"
Not only do I want to be learning and reading, something that is coming across in the bible study by school I have been attending but also the one back home is that I need to not only know and learn but also to do. I need to be out there showing that I am God's daughter, and helping those around me. This could be anything from saying hi to the kid who gets ignored or is a loner to asking my friends if they want me to pray for them or even helping out someone who needs someone to talk to. The key is finding the little things, because these often get overlooked. We feel like we need to do something big, to give up everything and move to some other country in order to help out. But in fact there are so many little things and more mundane things that need to be done. This isn't to say that those who do give it all up and move far away to witness and teach aren't doing something awesome.
Its realizing what God is calling you to do. Realizing that your work or school is a place to witness. Realizing that actions often speak louder than any words, that by being kind, generous, patient and compassionate will get us noticed and that we don't always have to witness by telling them about God. But it could be simply our attitude towards things, inviting them over for dinner or out for coffee, listening when they need an ear, comforting in times of trouble, giving them a ride. Its truly the little things that count. Just do, even if it may seem small you never know how much those little things matter. And do it with a positive and cheerful attitude. Just walking into work with a smile can make all the difference.
God is truly awesome, I started this with the feeling of well I want to write but I have no clue what I want to say. Why couldn't I have written this in the car while driving home, I had it all in my head then. But as I started to write God just gave me the words to say and I put my fingers to the keys and they just came in a easy flow. God knows what he is doing, and for that I am forever grateful. Thank you God, as Thanksgiving comes I remember how awesome and wonderful you are and help me to keep this gratefulness and thankfulness year round, each and every day and moment. Thank you! <3
